Improving Your Marriage: What Do You Talk About?

Posted on July 30, 2008 
Filed Under Conscious Relationships, Healthy Relationships

Did you know that what you and your spouse talk about could be wrecking your health and destroying your marriage? It’s true; and most people don’t even realize it. What do you spend your time talking about – news, television, weather, politics, bills and debt, gas prices…? Do the things you talk about stress you out, or do they make you happy? It is important to listen to your own words, as they will show you what you are thinking; and, what you’re thinking is important because it creates your experience and your perception of reality.

A marriage is a relationship. A relationship is an ongoing interaction between two people. We interact by talking, touching, listening, writing, looking, being, and otherwise communicating or conveying our presence, thoughts, and feelings to the person with whom we are interacting. In marriages – and most relationships – communication is the key to success or failure. But just talking isn’t enough. What you and your partner talk about has a tremendous influence on not only your marriage, but on your health, as well. If you aren’t spending time building your relationship, it isn’t getting any stronger – just older.

This might sound simple; but, the reality is, most people never take the time to think about how their world is put together. Thus, when things break, they have no idea why, or how to fix them. Riding this cycle ultimately leads to unhappiness; which causes stress, illness, and aging. Young people don’t naturally turn into old people; unhappy people turn into old people. And, if one person is unhappy in a marriage, chances are both people are. It’s rare to find a person whose mood isn’t affected by the moods of the people around them.

If you spend your time talking about stressful things, your body is going to spend its time being stressed; this is time you are not healing, growing, or moving toward a desired outcome. Your stress also affects those around you; even if you can’t remember a time when you could literally “feel” tension in a room, you certainly realize that your words affect the thinking of the people around you. So, if you come home from work talking about how stressful your day was, pretty soon you’ll all be stressed. Then, when you eat dinner, your stressed-out body will be sure to hold onto the food you can’t digest – because of your stress response – and turn it into fat that you may or may not use at some later time.

Over time, the gradual effects of stress take a toll on our health, our body, our perspective, our perception of the world, and our relationships, among other things. Stress is the result of thinking in a certain way. If you are thinking of stressful things, or thinking about your life in such a way that you are experiencing negative thoughts or emotions, then you aren’t spending that time thinking about the good things you want in life. And, if you aren’t thinking about good things, you are maintaining or creating “bad” things. This is too subtle for most people to see; but it really is as plain and simple as that.

So, right now, decide what kind of marriage, or relationship, you want to be in; and start thinking about that – about why you want that kind of relationship and how it will make you feel. Talk about it – positively – and start using more and more encouraging and positive words with your partner. Don’t waste your time talking about problems – especially other people’s problems. Talk about the future; and talk about it as if you are grateful because you really enjoyed it. Talk about what you want; it’s one of the first steps toward realizing and experiencing it.

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