Happily Ever After: Why Are You Still Married?

Posted on July 31, 2008 
Filed Under Conscious Relationships, Healthy Relationships

Do you know why you’re still married? Have you ever asked yourself – or thought about it? Are you still married for the same reason you got married in the first place? Of course, to answer that question, you’d need to know why you really got married. Do you know?

So, why did you get married? Was it for love or money? Was it because it seemed like the next logical thing to do, or because you didn’t know what else to do – or because you couldn’t imagine doing anything else? Did you get married on the “rebound” from another relationship; or, did you get married out of a sense of obligation, guilt, or even shame? Were you afraid or worried that you might never get married? Are you still in love; or were you ever really in love to begin with?

Are you married because of sex – either because you want to have it, or because you had it and it resulted in a pregnancy? Did you marry for looks, prestige, position, or title? There are many, many reasons people get married; but, for the most part, people get married because of one of the aforementioned reasons – or because they got drunk. Either way, you need to know why you’re married if you want to maintain a healthy, happy marriage. But there is more to staying happily married than just knowing why you got married in the first place.

It is pretty easy to understand the reasons people get married; but none of these reasons is necessarily permanent. For instance, looks change, jobs change, money comes and goes, kids grow up, and who can say what love will do; but people always need food and shelter, clothes, money, and companionship to make them feel safe and not alone. And, once you have those basic needs met, it can be easy to just stay where you are; that is, of course, until you start asking yourself where your life went.

To stay happily married, you need to make sure you have a reason for being married – a real reason that you can live with. Don’t use conditions and circumstances as excuses; use something relatively permanent – like a commitment to make love work, or deep respect and friendship. If you are still married, but you are set on leaving, or don’t want to invest time and energy into making an ideal relationship, then you might as well save everyone time and pain and just go.

But, if you want to stay married, and you want a happy marriage, you’re going to have to do the work yourself – at least until your partner follows your lead and starts pitching-in. What work? Studying, meditating (thinking), talking, listening, praying, planning, and acting (service/expressing love/etc…) are among the practical steps you can take to make your marriage better. It starts with a reality check: Where am I now; and, what do I want? This may take thought and consideration; but if you don’t know exactly what you want, you aren’t likely to get it.

The bottom line, no matter how long you’ve been married, is always this: Are you happy? If you aren’t, then you need to find a way to get that way! You may need to leave; or, you may be able to repair your current situation. Either way, a happy marriage – and a happy life – can be yours if you know what you want and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it. With enough thought and heart, you can create anything! Think about it; and give it a try.

Comments

Leave a Reply