How Can I Save My Marriage? You Can Start By Asking Yourself A Few Questions
A majority of people who get married either get divorced or stay in unhappy marriages. A happy marriage is not a myth; but it might as well be for most people. When the honeymoon’s over, the happy marriage isn’t far behind. What’s most surprising about this is how surprised most people are when they realize they’re not happy – or that their marriage is a wreck. The time to save your marriage is before you get married; but, if you’re reading this article, that time has presumably come and gone. So what can you do to save your marriage? Try asking yourself these questions:
Marital Problems: 4-Keys To Making Marriage Work
Relationship difficulties, marital problems and unhappiness are simply facts of life for most people. The unfortunate truth is that most marriages typically don’t work out for the people involved. At any given moment, one person is probably happier or more “in love” than the other person; and, as they say, “it takes two to tango.” One person simply can’t make a marriage work, which is why most marriages end in unhappiness and divorce. If you aren’t working on making your marriage work every day, you are eventually going to run into marital problems, stress, unhappiness and — if you’re lucky — divorce. If you want to make your marriage work, you need to consciously and consistently put energy into it and, in order to do that, you’ll need: incentive; commitment; a committed partner; and a plan.
The first key to making marriage work is incentive. It goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that people don’t like to do anything unless they’re going to get something in return for their efforts. While it isn’t wise to do things in order to manipulate your partner into responding a certain way, you need to establish a clear incentive for your efforts. My incentive is that I want to continue to live a happy and healthy life for as long as possible. To stay happy and healthy, you need to spend your time thinking and doing happy and healthy things. Arguing, fighting, worrying and being resentful are not conducive to health and happiness; they cause stress and stress causes illness. Decide what you want in life — or what kind of life you want — and make that your incentive.
The second key to making marriage work is commitment. You need to be committed to your goals in order to stick with the program and achieve them. The proper incentive helps us maintain focus, but we also need to learn to master our thoughts, emotions and actions for those times when we are put to the test. Without commitment and focus, you will fall into the unconscious, automatic (habitual) behaviors that got you where you are in the first place. It helps to have a safe “sounding-board” to keep you encouraged and focused through tough times. Friends with agendas or negative influence, however, should be avoided — these are the friends who attempt to stir up drama by trying to make you feel justified in your anger, worry, etc. True commitment to your marriage may mean eliminating negative influences from your life. How committed are you?
The third key to making marriage work is having a committed partner. As I mentioned earlier, it takes two to make a marriage work; if you try to do this by yourself, you’ll simply become worn-out, bitter and resentful. Communicate with your partner. Study and learn about relationships together. Explain the importance of a committed, joint effort and then observe what happens. If your partner is truly committed, it will show. If your partner isn’t truly committed, then they aren’t truly your partner; they are an obstacle to your health and happiness. Just as you need incentive, your partner will also need incentive in order to maintain a commitment to your relationship. Help them find it and keep it in mind. Spend time talking regularly about what your joint goals and desires are — as well as what you each want individually. If you help each other, you have found the true essence of marriage.
The fourth key to making marriage work is a plan — a simple plan. If being happily married was innate to humans, half of our marriages wouldn’t end in divorce and married people wouldn’t drive each other nuts. Your plan should include regular, meaningful communication, spending quality time together having fun, and learning (together) how to develop incentives and commitment in order to maintain relationship harmony. To be good at marriage, you’ll need to learn about it and practice the things you learn. Remember the old axiom: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” There are many resources available to help you develop strategies for creating and maintaining relationship harmony.
Everyone of us wants to be happy. If you’ve found yourself in a marriage, your odds of being happy have dropped significantly. Although humans need companionship to be happy and fulfilled, having a companion you don’t get along with will have the opposite effect. You can be happy and married at the same time, but it isn’t easy or natural; you’re going to have to work on it. Follow these keys to relationship success — and find a committed partner to help you along the way. When you have learned the art of being happily married, life takes on a whole new look, feel and meaning. If you’re married, do yourself a favor and learn how to make marriage work for you and your partner. You’ll be glad you did.
Don’t Worry; Be Happy — Rewrite The Way You Think And Feel
You don’t have to be unhappy. Happiness is truly a choice; it is a choice of thoughts and perceptions. If you think happy thoughts, you will be happy. If you think sad thoughts, you will be sad. If you think angry thoughts, you will be angry. If you think worrisome thoughts, you will experience anxiety and worry. You choose your thoughts. You can only think one thought at a time, so your choice of thoughts determines whether you are happy, sad, angry, etc…
The wisest men throughout history have always reminded us that we are the product of our thoughts. “As you thinketh,” said Jesus, “so it is done to you.” Not a Christian? No problem. Buddha said, “Man often becomes what he believes himself to be.” Gandhi, along with prophets, priests, monks, and icons from every other religion have echoed this same wisdom — in every culture and religion on the planet. You simply have to think about it and learn to apply it in your own life.
Not religious or spiritual? No problem. Henry Ford said, “If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right either way!” And we’ve all heard saying such as, “It’s the thought that counts,” or “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” You choose your thoughts and your thoughts determine how you feel and what you do. It is simple — whether we like it or not. You can carry on as if other people and their actions determine how you think and feel; but your lack of understanding or focus doesn’t change natural law.
So get with the program. If you’re unhappy, you now only have yourself to blame. Before you read this, you may have been able to blame others; but now that you’ve heard this, you are responsible for your thoughts and emotions. Even if you don’t believe this, it still falls on you to investigate any possibility that you could be controlling the way you feel and act by the way you control — or fail to control — your thought processes. It may seem difficult at first — mental laziness is indeed a difficult habit to break — but you can choose your thoughts.
So, if you’re prone to worry, anger, unhappiness, and other negative or depressing emotions, take an honest inventory of your thoughts and beliefs. You can add to, or delete from, this list any thoughts you chose to — just like the programs in a computer. I guarantee that, if you are chronically unhappy and stressed out, your thoughts are chronically unhappy and stressful. Make a conscious effort every day to rewrite the way you think; and, before you know it, you’ll change the way you feel. Change your mind; change your life. It really is your choice.
How To Stay Happily Married: 5-Ways To Keep The Fire Burning
As a firefighter, I’ve spent years thinking about how to put fires out. But, as a married firefighter, I spend just as much time thinking about how to keep the fire burning in my relationship. Stress takes a toll on every marriage; and public safety marriages – with inordinately high levels of stress – offer an excellent proving ground for advanced studies in marital harmony. Over one-half of all marriages end in divorce; and public safety marriages are notorious for having an even higher failure rate. Here are five fire-proof methods for keeping your relationship hot and healthy in even the most difficult conditions.
1. Remember why you got married in the first place. While it is true that most people get married for the wrong reasons (looks, money, fear, opportunity, etc…), people who want to save their relationships are often those who truly loved each other at one point in their relationship. By focusing your mind on the reasons you got married and the things you love about the other person, you can dramatically reduce the size and importance of most marital problems. Remembering why you are in this relationship is an excellent way to rekindle that old flame.
2. Think positive and loving thoughts. By diligently thinking happy thoughts, you will restore your own happiness – a critical step to creating a happy relationship. You can only think of one thing at a time; and, if you are constantly focusing on stressful thoughts, you are creating unwanted stress in your life and relationship. Furthermore, stress is the cause of most health problems; so do yourself a favor and lighten-up!
3. Do the things you did to “win” your partner in the first place. Remember when you were trying to capture the attention and heart of your partner? Well, the game isn’t over until you’re dead. Keep working on “winning” your partner’s affections and your marriage will never lose that ever so important spark. It may take heroic efforts to save your relationship; if that’s what it takes, be a hero.
4. Keep it fresh and exciting. Falling into routines, or “ruts,” is the beginning of the end for most relationships. Keep learning about life and each other. Try new and different things with each other. Be adventurous. Go exploring. Don’t be a stick in the mud – play in the mud! Have fun together and your marriage will provide you with joy rather than stress. Don’t be afraid to be creative when it comes to building something special.
5. Spend time together. After a while, couples start avoiding each other because all they seem to do when they are together is argue, fight, or talk about stressful issues. Pay attention to the first four suggestions I offered you and spending time together will be a joy and a pleasure. Think back to the beginning of your relationship and how much you wanted to be together and spend time together – so much so, in fact, that you got married. You can have your own space and time; but, if you’re in a relationship, your partner should be your number one priority – and the person you spend the most time with. Start doing fun things together. Go for walks, spend time in nature, sit in a swing, go to a ball game or something else you both enjoy doing.
If you truly want to keep your marriage healthy and fun, do whatever you can to incorporate these suggestions into your life and marriage. In the beginning, you may have to make compromises; but that is a natural part of any relationship whether you like it or not. Learn to give, learn to compromise, and spend your time thinking about what’s really important to you. If you decide that your relationship is what is most important to you, start investing time and energy in your partner and your relationship and try these five suggestions for keeping the home fires burning.
Loving Life Is The Secret To Having A Life You Love
If you want to live a life you love, you’ve first got to learn to love the life you’ve got. Many people fear that by loving the life they have, they will somehow be settling for that life or locking themselves into never having anything better or different. If you’re waiting for your life to change before you start loving it, I’m afraid you may have quite a wait. The secret to creating a life you love is to learn to see your life with new eyes — to literally learn to love what already is.
One of the most important elements of the creative process is an attitude of “positive expectancy.” You cannot be “positively expectant” if you are miserable, unhappy, or otherwise discontent with your current situation. This is not only a Universal Law, but just plain old common sense. Let me reiterate: If you are waiting for something to be happy about before you decide to be happy, you are well off the mark. You need happiness in order to create positive change for yourself.
For instance, if you are in debt and worried about it, it may comfort you to know that your situation is not only natural but quite common. What is uncommon is the individual who is able to look past his or her current situation to a place of prosperity and joy; but that is exactly the state of mind and emotion that will help you through your current situation and perhaps inspire an idea that may bring prosperity you have not yet imagined. Likewise, dwelling on illness and discomfort creates stress and weakens the immune system — prolonging any unfortunate condition.
If your spouse is unkind or unfaithful, you can certainly choose to “fight fire with fire;” but that approach has never really worked for anyone. Instead of resorting to despair, anger, or even revenge, try visualizing your ideal situation and meeting the situation with unconditional love. You may be surprised at the results. Your new perspective and attitude may inspire great change in your relationship; or, your new vision may attract more favorable conditions. You may see your partner become the partner of your dreams; or, you may see your partner leave to make room for the ideal person — the person of your dreams.
Perhaps you hate your job. Do you constantly complain about it to yourself and anyone who will listen? Maybe you like your job but don’t like your co-workers. In either case, you might want to consider a change in attitude; change the way you look at your job and your co-workers. Try compassion, understanding, and patience rather than disdain, frustration, and intolerance; I guarantee you’ll experience a change for the better. Your new course will either reveal a pleasant new atmosphere at work, or it will cause things to come to a head — resulting in a departure and new opportunities and circumstances for everyone involved. Change is change; and it is up to you to make change for the better.
History, literature, religion, philosophy, and all cultures are full of reminders that, “this too shall pass,” so “fear not and be of good cheer!” You get what you’re looking for — literally living into your deepest expectations — so “seek and you shall find.” If you’re looking for problems, there will be an endless supply waiting for you; but, if you’re looking for a life you love, you need only learn to love the life you have — and watch it change for the better.
When You Complain, You Remain
If you aren’t happy with your life or some aspect of it, consider the way you typically think and talk about your problems. How often do your remind yourself and others of the burdens you are carrying? How often do you think about how unhappy you are or how much you hate your life — or some part of it? When you seek answers to life’s “problems,” or guidance to living a happier life, the advice and wisdom you will most often find reminds you that your life will change when your thoughts change: “Don’t worry, be happy;” or “As you think, so it will be done to you.” It may not have occurred to you, but you cannot think of more than one thing at a time; so try asking yourself how you plan on creating a new, happy life by continuing to dwell on the “old, unhappy life” you have been experiencing. How can you complain about problems without remaining in that state of negativity?
The simple answer is: YOU CAN’T! It is impossible to make yourself happy, or create new happy circumstances in your life, by thinking, talking, and otherwise dwelling on the negative aspects of your life — what’s wrong with life, what this person should do differently, how that person offended you, why you are justified in your anger or misery, etc… You may be right about all of your judgments and opinions. Good for you! But would you rather be RIGHT, or HAPPY? I know lots of miserable people who think that their beliefs are the only RIGHT beliefs, and their actions are the RIGHT actions, etc. But I also know lots of HAPPY people who don’t care so much about who’s right and wrong; they’re too busy living happy lives to complain and ruin things for themselves. How many HAPPY “complainers” do you know? That’s right; me neither. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps the complaining has something to do with their problems and continued suffering? That’s right; it does. No matter how bad your life is, or how justified you are complaining about your current situation, just remember: When you complain, you remain.
If you are a complainer, you may hear yourself saying something like, “Well, yeah, but he really DID do that thing and gave me a reason to complain. I didn’t start complaining until I had a reason to! My complaints about what he did aren’t what caused him to do it!” Zoom your focus out a little and dial-up your honesty. Is that really all you have to complain about? Is that really the first thing you’ve complained about? Are you saying that you’ve been happy up until this one event and now you have suddenly forgotten how to be happy? If you complain about things, you complain about things. That has very little to do with what is outside of you; complainers have a knack of finding things to complain about. Go back to the old wisdom and logic; and start now focusing your thoughts on happy things and things you wish to experience. It may be some time before your life makes a dramatic turn for the better; but joyfully remind yourself that you are just burning-through all of the negativity you ordered-up in the past — with past complaints that simply haven’t been delivered yet. And be grateful for those “negative events” and for the fact that those things are reminding you how powerfully creative your thoughts are; they are reminders to be diligent in your positivity in order to create a more positive life.
A Positive Focus: Accentuate The Positive, Eliminate The Negative
If you want to change your life, you aren’t alone. Most people are less than content with at least one part of their lives. Most people would change something about their lives if they could — or if they knew how. The thing all of these people have in common is they know “what they don’t want.” The good news is that your life — and everyone else’s — is continually changing; the bad news is that, if you only focus on the parts of your life you don’t want, you’ll keep getting more of the same.
In 1944, Johnny Mercer and Harold Arlen published a song called, “Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive,” that offers age-old wisdom on a subject all great prophets and teachers are in agreement on: The Universe tends to give you what you think about, so don’t waste your time being wishy-washy about your desires; and certainly don’t be foolish enough to dwell on negatives! All religions and philosophies are in agreement on this fundamental observation; though, sadly, very few people actually understand it — and even fewer have the discipline or self-control to put this wisdom into practice.
The chorus of this song goes like this:
“You’ve got to accentuate the positive Eliminate the negative Latch on to the affirmative Don’t mess with Mister In-Between.”
Teachers like Jesus used phrases such as, “As a man thinketh, so it is done unto him,” “Ask and ye shall receive,” and “Fear not; be of good cheer,” to explain how this philosophy works and how to put it into practice. Essentially, if you walk around moping about how bad things are, you aren’t using your mental resources in a way that will bring you great joy. Likewise, if you spend all of your time thinking about the things in life you don’t want, your thoughts are in the wrong place — on the wrong thing. If things are done to you “according to your thoughts,” it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what placing your thoughts on misery, debt, loss, and suffering will bring you. And, regardless of whether these things come immediately or not, you will always feel as if they are upon you; it isn’t possible to be happy while thinking sad thoughts.
Creating a happy life takes some focus and effort — mental focus and effort. You’ve got to train yourself to keep your thoughts positive. It isn’t necessary to say things like, “Oh no; I had plans today and now it’s raining! My day is ruined!” If your thoughts go in this direction, you will feel as if your day really is ruined. Instead of allowing your external circumstances to create inner turmoil and suffering, teach yourself to respond differently: “Well, it’s raining; I suppose the plants and water table need it. Now how can I go about my day? What can I do to carry out my plans for the day; or, what other plans can I make that won’t be affected by the rain?” If you learn to be flexible and let things happen without attaching your emotions to them, you will quickly master the art of being happy always — or at least most of the time. And, after all, what could be better than that?
Attracting True Prosperity With The Law Of Attraction
One of the things that bring people’s attention to the Law of Attraction is the apparent promise of quick riches with no effort. Everyone, it seems, wants to get rich quick; and the Law of Attraction – as it is commonly presented by teachers these days – seems to promise just that: An instant cure-all to financial, relationship, and health problems without having to really “do” anything. This misrepresentation leads to a lot of disillusioned souls that quickly give-up on their dreams because of the predictable lack of tangible results this approach usually produces. But the truth is that the Law of Attraction is the only way anyone ever experiences prosperity – or poverty.
Louis C K on Conan: Everything’s Amazing — Nobody’s Happy
Check out this hilarious video clip of Louis C K on Conan talking about America’s over-stimulated, instant-gratification, digital gadgetry-obsessed generation of consumers and some of their funnier behaviors…
Why And How To Be Happy Now: Happiness Incentives And 5-Tips For Being Happy
It seems obvious that everyone wants to be happy. So why are so many people unhappy? Perhaps people want to be happy but simply don’t understand how to be happy. Or, perhaps people just don’t have adequate incentive to do whatever it takes to be happier. Being happier is not only simple; but being happier can improve your health and every other part of your life. Imagine what it would be like to be happy practically all the time. It’s easier when you realize that being unhappy is a sign that you’re doing all kinds of bad things to your body.
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The Belief Formula
