How Can I Save My Marriage? You Can Start By Asking Yourself A Few Questions
A majority of people who get married either get divorced or stay in unhappy marriages. A happy marriage is not a myth; but it might as well be for most people. When the honeymoon’s over, the happy marriage isn’t far behind. What’s most surprising about this is how surprised most people are when they realize they’re not happy – or that their marriage is a wreck. The time to save your marriage is before you get married; but, if you’re reading this article, that time has presumably come and gone. So what can you do to save your marriage? Try asking yourself these questions:
Marriage and Relationship Problems: How To Fix Your Marriage
Most people get married for the wrong reasons; it’s as simple as that. Given that, it shouldn’t be a surprise that most marriages are not the blissful unions most young girls hope for and dream about. And, since most marriages are not bastions of happiness and harmony, it certainly stands to reason that something was missing from the beginning. Think about the married people you know. The happy couples are few and far between; and many of them are actually faking-it in order to uphold their illusion of perfection. The fact is that most marriages end in divorce and/or unhappiness. To fix your marriage, you’ll need to get back to basics and start with the fundamentals of any good relationship.
Start with being honest with yourself. Would you want to be married to you; or are you simply seeking a mate to fulfill your own personal ideal of what “your” marriage should be? The fact is that, while anyone could learn to be a good partner, most people are not taught these skills in life – and are probably too lazy or unmotivated to learn them. Western culture and society essentially programs people to be selfish and self-centered; if you want a good relationship, you are going to have to cure yourself of this – and then find someone else who has overcome or avoided this personality pitfall. Relationships are give-and-take affairs – with an emphasis on “giving.”
The next fundamental relationship saver is: Effective communication. You need to learn how to talk to each other and communicate your true agenda. If you don’t share common goals in a relationship, you’re not going to be blissfully happy; and, if you don’t communicate effectively, you won’t know what your goals truly are. Strong relationships require a lot of attention and focus. You need to have an incentive to drag your attention away from sports, video games, the Internet, talk shows and shopping in order to shun the unimportant for what is truly valuable in life. Again, Western culture and technology has a hypnotic grasp on most people and monopolizes their time and attention. In order to have a strong relationship, you must give the Lion’s share of your focus to your partner. You cannot communicate effectively when you’re wrapped-up in the typical life – but you can live a typical, mundane, unfulfilling life that way.
There is an old saying that tells us that the best thing we can do with our human lives is to give them away. Selflessness and sacrifice are truly keys to peace and happiness. In a relationship, however, both partners need to practice these skills. If only one person cares about their partner’s desires and the health of the relationship, then you have one practicing being selfish while the other practices victim-hood. An easy place to start is by making a conscious effort to be kind and gracious always. Don’t judge each other for shortcomings or failure to master this new approach; but give them a good example of kindness and unconditional love. Trust me when I say that this practice mostly benefits the one who uses it. You may not be able to manipulate your partner into being nicer – and that isn’t the point – but you will certainly receive countless benefits as the practice of unconditional, unwavering niceness becomes a part of you and your life.
With Honesty, Communication, and Selflessness, you can heal your relationship – with yourself as well as with a willing partner. If you don’t have a willing partner, don’t feel bad – feel happy that you discovered this as early as you did so you don’t have to fight against unyielding disappointment and sadness. Your life is valuable; you are valuable. These things should not be wasted playing into another’s self-pity and selfishness. If you can master these relationship skills, you’ll be better equipped to choose a better partner and build a better, stronger relationship next time around. Either way, you can have a much happier relationship if you take the time to learn what kind of relationship you want and how to get it, create it and maintain it.
Marriage Problems: 5-Reasons Your Marriage Probably Can’t Be Saved…
Marriage problems are much more common than happy marriages. In fact, you aren’t likely to find even a happy marriage that doesn’t have its share of difficulties. A happy marriage is possible; but lasting happiness is, for most people, a frustrating myth – the proverbial magic unicorn. Roughly half of all marriages end in divorce; while the other half are a mixture of miserable arrangements, unpleasant unions, outright battlefields, a few amicable partnerships and, yes, an occasional unicorn. The bottom line is that marriage is not for wimps. Statistically, the deck is stacked against you where “happily ever after” is concerned.
This article may seem anti-marriage or a bit more cynical than most of my articles on relationships; but, in the case of marriage, reality is not pretty and ignoring the truth doesn’t change it. If you want a chance at saving your marriage, you’ve got to come to grips with some of the reasons most marriages cannot be saved. I’m not talking about infidelity, dishonesty, abuse, insensitivity or any of the other obvious issues that lead to marriage problems and divorce; I’m talking about the issues behind some of those problems and the reasons most marriages cannot survive such problems and become irretrievably broken. Here’s a list of five-common reasons most marriages are destined to fail or fall disappointingly short of the bliss most couples think they’re signing-up for:
1. You probably got married for the wrong reason – most people do – and are therefore lacking adequate common goals and incentives to invest more in your marriage than you already have. This is most likely true for at least you or your spouse if not both of you. The reason you got married was either a lie, or has since disappeared, leaving you with no reason to stay together or work on a relationship.
2. Most people only see their side of a situation and are convinced they’re right. Or, they aren’t willing to consider any other view or the fact that they may not be right. In other words, most people want their partner to change so they can be happier.
3. It is rare to find two people who are both interested in personal growth and development – which is exactly what people need to grow beyond their current problems and limitations. What you know at this point in your life has led you to where you are now; you need to learn new things to grow beyond this point – including growing in your relationship.
4. The sad fact is that marriage simply doesn’t work out for people who are not self-disciplined and compassionate; that’s why most marriages suck so bad that they either end in divorce or are sources of misery and bad jokes for those trapped in them. Of course, if you can find two people dedicated to being kind to one another, marriage can be the best thing Earth has to offer. Needless to say, those couples are rare; and most people are more concerned with what’s for dinner, what’s on television or what they have in the bank than they are with each other or with building a strong relationship.
5. Chances are that you or your spouse invest more time in everything else than in each other. It takes two to tango; and, if either of you spends more time watching television, surfing the Internet, playing video games, working, chatting or hanging out with friends, or are otherwise engaged outside the marriage, than you may stay married for quite some time, but an unhappy marriage is not a good thing to hold onto. Unhappy marriages are things that should be fixed or discarded as quickly as possible before they lead to stress, unwanted weight gain, illness, and other disasters and misery.
You certainly can fix any marriage or marital problem – as long as you have two people willing and equipped to work together to fix it. The first step is making sure you want to salvage the marriage and then determining if the marriage is salvageable. If you cannot overcome these issues, you simply won’t be able to save your relationship. If you want to save your marriage, consider these issues and try to address them without shame, blame or criticism. If you and your partner can come to the realization that problems are natural and solvable – and find some common ground and incentive to work together to solve them – then you just might find that unicorn.
Marital Problems: 4-Keys To Making Marriage Work
Relationship difficulties, marital problems and unhappiness are simply facts of life for most people. The unfortunate truth is that most marriages typically don’t work out for the people involved. At any given moment, one person is probably happier or more “in love” than the other person; and, as they say, “it takes two to tango.” One person simply can’t make a marriage work, which is why most marriages end in unhappiness and divorce. If you aren’t working on making your marriage work every day, you are eventually going to run into marital problems, stress, unhappiness and — if you’re lucky — divorce. If you want to make your marriage work, you need to consciously and consistently put energy into it and, in order to do that, you’ll need: incentive; commitment; a committed partner; and a plan.
The first key to making marriage work is incentive. It goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that people don’t like to do anything unless they’re going to get something in return for their efforts. While it isn’t wise to do things in order to manipulate your partner into responding a certain way, you need to establish a clear incentive for your efforts. My incentive is that I want to continue to live a happy and healthy life for as long as possible. To stay happy and healthy, you need to spend your time thinking and doing happy and healthy things. Arguing, fighting, worrying and being resentful are not conducive to health and happiness; they cause stress and stress causes illness. Decide what you want in life — or what kind of life you want — and make that your incentive.
The second key to making marriage work is commitment. You need to be committed to your goals in order to stick with the program and achieve them. The proper incentive helps us maintain focus, but we also need to learn to master our thoughts, emotions and actions for those times when we are put to the test. Without commitment and focus, you will fall into the unconscious, automatic (habitual) behaviors that got you where you are in the first place. It helps to have a safe “sounding-board” to keep you encouraged and focused through tough times. Friends with agendas or negative influence, however, should be avoided — these are the friends who attempt to stir up drama by trying to make you feel justified in your anger, worry, etc. True commitment to your marriage may mean eliminating negative influences from your life. How committed are you?
The third key to making marriage work is having a committed partner. As I mentioned earlier, it takes two to make a marriage work; if you try to do this by yourself, you’ll simply become worn-out, bitter and resentful. Communicate with your partner. Study and learn about relationships together. Explain the importance of a committed, joint effort and then observe what happens. If your partner is truly committed, it will show. If your partner isn’t truly committed, then they aren’t truly your partner; they are an obstacle to your health and happiness. Just as you need incentive, your partner will also need incentive in order to maintain a commitment to your relationship. Help them find it and keep it in mind. Spend time talking regularly about what your joint goals and desires are — as well as what you each want individually. If you help each other, you have found the true essence of marriage.
The fourth key to making marriage work is a plan — a simple plan. If being happily married was innate to humans, half of our marriages wouldn’t end in divorce and married people wouldn’t drive each other nuts. Your plan should include regular, meaningful communication, spending quality time together having fun, and learning (together) how to develop incentives and commitment in order to maintain relationship harmony. To be good at marriage, you’ll need to learn about it and practice the things you learn. Remember the old axiom: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” There are many resources available to help you develop strategies for creating and maintaining relationship harmony.
Everyone of us wants to be happy. If you’ve found yourself in a marriage, your odds of being happy have dropped significantly. Although humans need companionship to be happy and fulfilled, having a companion you don’t get along with will have the opposite effect. You can be happy and married at the same time, but it isn’t easy or natural; you’re going to have to work on it. Follow these keys to relationship success — and find a committed partner to help you along the way. When you have learned the art of being happily married, life takes on a whole new look, feel and meaning. If you’re married, do yourself a favor and learn how to make marriage work for you and your partner. You’ll be glad you did.
How To Stay Happily Married: 5-Ways To Keep The Fire Burning
As a firefighter, I’ve spent years thinking about how to put fires out. But, as a married firefighter, I spend just as much time thinking about how to keep the fire burning in my relationship. Stress takes a toll on every marriage; and public safety marriages – with inordinately high levels of stress – offer an excellent proving ground for advanced studies in marital harmony. Over one-half of all marriages end in divorce; and public safety marriages are notorious for having an even higher failure rate. Here are five fire-proof methods for keeping your relationship hot and healthy in even the most difficult conditions.
1. Remember why you got married in the first place. While it is true that most people get married for the wrong reasons (looks, money, fear, opportunity, etc…), people who want to save their relationships are often those who truly loved each other at one point in their relationship. By focusing your mind on the reasons you got married and the things you love about the other person, you can dramatically reduce the size and importance of most marital problems. Remembering why you are in this relationship is an excellent way to rekindle that old flame.
2. Think positive and loving thoughts. By diligently thinking happy thoughts, you will restore your own happiness – a critical step to creating a happy relationship. You can only think of one thing at a time; and, if you are constantly focusing on stressful thoughts, you are creating unwanted stress in your life and relationship. Furthermore, stress is the cause of most health problems; so do yourself a favor and lighten-up!
3. Do the things you did to “win” your partner in the first place. Remember when you were trying to capture the attention and heart of your partner? Well, the game isn’t over until you’re dead. Keep working on “winning” your partner’s affections and your marriage will never lose that ever so important spark. It may take heroic efforts to save your relationship; if that’s what it takes, be a hero.
4. Keep it fresh and exciting. Falling into routines, or “ruts,” is the beginning of the end for most relationships. Keep learning about life and each other. Try new and different things with each other. Be adventurous. Go exploring. Don’t be a stick in the mud – play in the mud! Have fun together and your marriage will provide you with joy rather than stress. Don’t be afraid to be creative when it comes to building something special.
5. Spend time together. After a while, couples start avoiding each other because all they seem to do when they are together is argue, fight, or talk about stressful issues. Pay attention to the first four suggestions I offered you and spending time together will be a joy and a pleasure. Think back to the beginning of your relationship and how much you wanted to be together and spend time together – so much so, in fact, that you got married. You can have your own space and time; but, if you’re in a relationship, your partner should be your number one priority – and the person you spend the most time with. Start doing fun things together. Go for walks, spend time in nature, sit in a swing, go to a ball game or something else you both enjoy doing.
If you truly want to keep your marriage healthy and fun, do whatever you can to incorporate these suggestions into your life and marriage. In the beginning, you may have to make compromises; but that is a natural part of any relationship whether you like it or not. Learn to give, learn to compromise, and spend your time thinking about what’s really important to you. If you decide that your relationship is what is most important to you, start investing time and energy in your partner and your relationship and try these five suggestions for keeping the home fires burning.
Recession-Proof Your Relationships: Don’t Worry – Be Happy!
There’s no such thing as “hard times.” There’s just time; and we can make the best of it, or the worst of it. Nobody can predict or control what happens in the future; but we can all control how we respond to future events. People tend to dramatize or over-emphasize the events, circumstances, conditions, and situations they encounter in life; and, when we become attached to those things, or when we identify ourselves by the things that happen around us, we create stress and negative emotions. Stress negatively affects us and everyone around us; and stress and negativity can ruin any relationship – be it with a spouse, family member, friend, or co-worker. But you can create bomb-proof relationships by keeping your cool and using your head, rather than your emotions, to deal with perceived difficulties in your life.
5-Common Reasons For Marital Conflict: Understanding And Resolving Marital Stress
In the United States, over half of all marriages end in divorce; and many more marriages are truly miserable unions – with constant bickering and fighting when spouses aren’t simply avoiding each other altogether. So what’s the deal? Why can’t we all just get along? The real causes for marital conflict are much simpler than you might think; and, when you understand them, you’ve got a chance of creating a more harmonious relationship.
How Can I Enhance My Relationship? 5-Tips For Improving Your Relationship
If you are in a serious relationship, chances are that you either want to improve it – or desperately need to fix it. Most marriages in the U.S. end in divorce; and of those that don’t are usually the source of bad jokes about nagging wives or lazy, cheating husbands – all of which are indicators of unhappiness, stress, frustration, and discontent. If you want or need to improve your relationship, you certainly aren’t alone; and if you don’t want to, you simply have never been taught about the value, power, and joy of a strong, harmonious union. If you’re one of the smart ones who know the value of investing time, attention, and energy in your partner, here’s a list of 5-tips for improving your relationship:
Relationship Issues On Mike And Juliet In The Morning: Why Do Men Do The Things They Do?
Relationship enhancement and awareness was a recent topic on the Mike and Juliet in the Morning Show; where relationship experts were asked to weigh-in on such questions as: “Is cheating normal in a committed relationship?” and, “Is flirting okay?” Other relationship issues, such as, “Why do traits and behaviors that were once considered ‘adorable’ become repulsive?” Understanding the answers to these questions can truly help you build a better and stronger relationship – and help you avoid the common pitfalls that cause most relationships to end in disaster.
Enhance Any Relationship: Redefine, Redesign, and Realign Your Relationship
Building a relationship, or working to improve a relationship, are important tasks – much more important to your body, mind, and spirit, than watching television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, text messaging, or doing most of the leisure activities people tend to spend the majority of their lives doing these days. Sure, everyone wants a better relationship; unfortunately, without a clearly defined goal, or some sort of system or plan to help you achieve your goal, the task is to daunting for most people to really ever start. But you can quickly and easily make profound improvements in your relationships by simply becoming aware of these three-steps to creating new and improved relationships: Redefine; Redesign; and Realign.
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The Belief Formula
