How To Stay Happily Married: 5-Ways To Keep The Fire Burning

As a firefighter, I’ve spent years thinking about how to put fires out. But, as a married firefighter, I spend just as much time thinking about how to keep the fire burning in my relationship. Stress takes a toll on every marriage; and public safety marriages – with inordinately high levels of stress – offer an excellent proving ground for advanced studies in marital harmony. Over one-half of all marriages end in divorce; and public safety marriages are notorious for having an even higher failure rate. Here are five fire-proof methods for keeping your relationship hot and healthy in even the most difficult conditions.

1. Remember why you got married in the first place. While it is true that most people get married for the wrong reasons (looks, money, fear, opportunity, etc…), people who want to save their relationships are often those who truly loved each other at one point in their relationship. By focusing your mind on the reasons you got married and the things you love about the other person, you can dramatically reduce the size and importance of most marital problems. Remembering why you are in this relationship is an excellent way to rekindle that old flame.

2. Think positive and loving thoughts. By diligently thinking happy thoughts, you will restore your own happiness – a critical step to creating a happy relationship. You can only think of one thing at a time; and, if you are constantly focusing on stressful thoughts, you are creating unwanted stress in your life and relationship. Furthermore, stress is the cause of most health problems; so do yourself a favor and lighten-up!

3. Do the things you did to “win” your partner in the first place. Remember when you were trying to capture the attention and heart of your partner? Well, the game isn’t over until you’re dead. Keep working on “winning” your partner’s affections and your marriage will never lose that ever so important spark. It may take heroic efforts to save your relationship; if that’s what it takes, be a hero.

4. Keep it fresh and exciting. Falling into routines, or “ruts,” is the beginning of the end for most relationships. Keep learning about life and each other. Try new and different things with each other. Be adventurous. Go exploring. Don’t be a stick in the mud – play in the mud! Have fun together and your marriage will provide you with joy rather than stress. Don’t be afraid to be creative when it comes to building something special.

5. Spend time together. After a while, couples start avoiding each other because all they seem to do when they are together is argue, fight, or talk about stressful issues. Pay attention to the first four suggestions I offered you and spending time together will be a joy and a pleasure. Think back to the beginning of your relationship and how much you wanted to be together and spend time together – so much so, in fact, that you got married. You can have your own space and time; but, if you’re in a relationship, your partner should be your number one priority – and the person you spend the most time with. Start doing fun things together. Go for walks, spend time in nature, sit in a swing, go to a ball game or something else you both enjoy doing.

If you truly want to keep your marriage healthy and fun, do whatever you can to incorporate these suggestions into your life and marriage. In the beginning, you may have to make compromises; but that is a natural part of any relationship whether you like it or not. Learn to give, learn to compromise, and spend your time thinking about what’s really important to you. If you decide that your relationship is what is most important to you, start investing time and energy in your partner and your relationship and try these five suggestions for keeping the home fires burning.

Loving Life Is The Secret To Having A Life You Love

If you want to live a life you love, you’ve first got to learn to love the life you’ve got. Many people fear that by loving the life they have, they will somehow be settling for that life or locking themselves into never having anything better or different. If you’re waiting for your life to change before you start loving it, I’m afraid you may have quite a wait. The secret to creating a life you love is to learn to see your life with new eyes — to literally learn to love what already is.

One of the most important elements of the creative process is an attitude of “positive expectancy.” You cannot be “positively expectant” if you are miserable, unhappy, or otherwise discontent with your current situation. This is not only a Universal Law, but just plain old common sense. Let me reiterate: If you are waiting for something to be happy about before you decide to be happy, you are well off the mark. You need happiness in order to create positive change for yourself.

For instance, if you are in debt and worried about it, it may comfort you to know that your situation is not only natural but quite common. What is uncommon is the individual who is able to look past his or her current situation to a place of prosperity and joy; but that is exactly the state of mind and emotion that will help you through your current situation and perhaps inspire an idea that may bring prosperity you have not yet imagined. Likewise, dwelling on illness and discomfort creates stress and weakens the immune system — prolonging any unfortunate condition.

If your spouse is unkind or unfaithful, you can certainly choose to “fight fire with fire;” but that approach has never really worked for anyone. Instead of resorting to despair, anger, or even revenge, try visualizing your ideal situation and meeting the situation with unconditional love. You may be surprised at the results. Your new perspective and attitude may inspire great change in your relationship; or, your new vision may attract more favorable conditions. You may see your partner become the partner of your dreams; or, you may see your partner leave to make room for the ideal person — the person of your dreams.

Perhaps you hate your job. Do you constantly complain about it to yourself and anyone who will listen? Maybe you like your job but don’t like your co-workers. In either case, you might want to consider a change in attitude; change the way you look at your job and your co-workers. Try compassion, understanding, and patience rather than disdain, frustration, and intolerance; I guarantee you’ll experience a change for the better. Your new course will either reveal a pleasant new atmosphere at work, or it will cause things to come to a head — resulting in a departure and new opportunities and circumstances for everyone involved. Change is change; and it is up to you to make change for the better.

History, literature, religion, philosophy, and all cultures are full of reminders that, “this too shall pass,” so “fear not and be of good cheer!” You get what you’re looking for — literally living into your deepest expectations — so “seek and you shall find.” If you’re looking for problems, there will be an endless supply waiting for you; but, if you’re looking for a life you love, you need only learn to love the life you have — and watch it change for the better.

Secrets of Prayer: Making Prayer Work For You

If you’re like me, then there are things in life that you’d like to change. In fact, most people spend their lives trying to change things in one way or another. Throughout history, some people have intuited their ability to use their own thought processes to engage a creative agency and influence changes. Many of these same people have contemplated and perfected the use of their thoughts — though it is not the easiest thing for human beings to master. Though there are many names for this innate human ability, many people simply call it, “prayer.” And you can indeed use your thoughts to effectively create practically any change you truly desire — if you understand some things very few people ever think about.

One of the first things you need to understand is that prayer is not a “magic trick” to be used to conjure unlikely circumstances or unbelievable events. Prayer is a function of human thought that requires certain elements in order to be used effectively and reliably. There are many ways humans use their faculties of thought and belief; but most people do not use their thoughts and awareness in such a way as to create the changes they desire in their lives. Most people use their thoughts to create worry and stress and to sabotage themselves by dwelling on negativity rather than focusing on their goals and desires.

It is not my desire to convince you to trade your belief systems for mine; I am only encouraging you to look more deeply into the details of your own though processes — specifically those you have been calling, “prayer.” Most people grow into adults with the same basic beliefs they were GIVEN as children — with little thought ever given to the reality that, if they had been born in a different place, they would have been given different beliefs. Reality is not a function of geography or culture; only belief systems depend on where you were born or enculturated. If you were born to different parents, you would believe different things; but that doesn’t change the underlying nature of reality. The wise ones in every culture have always realized the limitations of the stories we tell to try and make sense of creation and reality. You can also transcend the limitations you were given as a child and consciously become more aware of the power of your own thoughts.

Every religion and culture has a basic understanding that, “Man often becomes what he believes himself to be,” as Buddha said, or, to quote the words of Jesus, “As a man thinketh, so it is done unto him.” Every society has had its wise men who have always reminded us that, “It’s the thought that counts,” and that “If you can believe it, you can achieve it.” Yet how much time do you spend contemplating the nature of your thoughts? If you’re like most people, you invest a great deal of time thinking about the problems in your life but very little time shaping your thoughts or considering their creative power. This tendency to focus on the negative is often attributed to our innate human nature; but creativity is also innate to humans. We need only spend time learning to consciously direct our thoughts, and actually doing it, if we wish to take more active control over the circumstances and events in our lives.

Consider what most people call, “prayer.” They close their eyes, bow their heads, and mentally dialogue with an unseen agency they hope will act on their thoughts in such a way as to form something new in their lives. Most people do this habitually at certain times of day, or ritualistically in certain circumstances or environments — such as church, etc. However, even people who pray quite regularly often spend much more time using their same mind and thought processes to ponder, contemplate, imagine, or otherwise dwell on negativity and things they don’t want in their lives. Has it ever occurred to you that a thought is a thought? Have you always believed that the creative agency you send your prayers to simply ignores the rest of your thoughts — discarding all messages originating from you except those you only occasionally give your attention to? What does your life tell you? Does the evidence you are surrounded by look more like your occasional prayers, or does it more closely resemble the thoughts you are constantly thinking? Be honest with yourself; I’ve already discovered the answer for myself.

If you want to make prayer work for you, all you need to do is learn to pay attention to yourself — your desires, your surroundings, your thoughts, and your tendencies. Learn to dwell on positive things; and learn to stay focused on the things you desire until you can truly feel a belief in those things growing within you. Things are done to you according to your beliefs; but you must truly believe in your dreams in order to make them become reality. Of course there may be other things you need to do — other actions you must take in order to realize your goals and dreams — but you must pay attention to your thoughts in order to hear your inner guidance; and you must pay attention to the world around you in order to see the answers to your prayers unfold for you. Prayer is thought we give special attention to. Why not learn to think more effectively and give special attention to the things you want?